Christmas Writing 18: I’ll Be Home For Christmas

 

I’ll Be Home For Christmas

December 8, 2024

Photo @pexels.com 

The man stood beside the burning barrel warming his hands. Every so often he would change positions to give the rest of his underclad body some warming heat. His beard was long and unkempt. His hair was also long but he looked after it the best he could out on the streets.  Discussions with the other denizens of the barrel were non-existent that night as each man was either lost in his thoughts, lost deep in his bottle or lost in some other way. Christmas Eve on the streets had a tendency to do that to a man. Since he lost his wife, his job and his house, pretty much in that order, he tried to lose himself out here where rummaging for his needs was his daily concern. It was a losing battle, as far as he was concerned but his long held stubborn beliefs were carrying the day. 

After a little while he slipped away from the warmth of the fire and made his way to Joe’s Eats. Joe wasn’t big on names. He was into just doing his job and doing it well. Wally had a deal with Joe that exhibited Joe’s kindness. Joe would provide food if Wally would look after his back door at night. Joe would leave Wally’s food cooling in the old ice chest for Wally to eat whenever he decided to show up. As Wally approached the rear of the Diner he saw something extra at the cooler. Joe had left Wally a slightly used winter coat. Wally gave himself a reminder to thank Joe the next day. Joe was a prince of a guy. Wally lifted the lid and picked up his plate savouring the aroma of his freshly cooling dinner. 

As Wally sat eating he thought about all the people he had met. Some were as kind as Joe. If you gave them respect they gave it back to you. Others would run you off labelling you a disgrace to society. Everyone had an opinion Wally guessed. Some of the store owners had break ins Wally had witnessed. He knew he should have stepped forward with his information, as he had with other people but Wally could only do so much. He helped the people who helped him. 

The street people were an interesting group. Most were into self preservation but willing to share where they could. They recognized the need to look out for each other. There were elements of society who couldn’t be bothered. Being Christian to the homeless was not in their vocabulary. 

As Wally returned his plate to the cooler he noticed a note with his name on it. Curious, he picked it up and read it.

Wally,

Merry Christmas. I will have a special breakfast here for you in the morning. I will see you after I arrive.

Have a great night!

Joe

Wally thought about this for a minute. Joe always brought him breakfast in the morning and made sure that he was safe. The note was unnecessary. As Wally settled in for the night he was of half a mind to not be there in the morning. The thought of his regular meal kept him rooted there. He would think about it in the morning. He closed his eyes.

The next morning as Wally sat cleaning up from his sleep a figure appeared holding the food Jo generally brought. As he looked more closely he recognized the face wrapped up as protection against the cold.

“Oh Crap,” he thought to himself.

“Good morning Dad. Merry Christmas,” exclaimed Denyce as she set the food down on the cooler.

Wally’s first thought was to turn and flee but the scent of the warm food poked at distant memories.

“Good morning Denyce.” 

Denyce looked at father with caution, “I have something for you. It’s not much,” she said as she pulled a toque from her coat pocket.

Wally eyed her carefully. The last time they spoke it did not go well. At that time Denyce was being a little too dramatic for his liking. He reached out and received the toque from her. He placed it on his head. “Fit’s good,” he said.

Denyce paused cautiously. “Dad, it is Christmas. Geoff and I,  we are having Christmas dinner tonight…”

Wally cut her off. “Denyce, you know that I can’t do that.” 

“I had to invite you. It just seems wrong that you are living out here when you could be living comfortably with us…. But I am trying to understand it. I have to try to be the daughter you and mom raised. I can’t be anything else. It doesn’t have to be anything else, just family enjoying Christmas together.”

“I can’t Denyce,” he said, pulling his emotions together. He had made a decision dammit and he was going to live up to it. 

“I was afraid of this Dad. You are invited. If you change your mind you know where I live.” with that Denyce turned and started to walk away, wiping tears from her face.

“Denyce,” Wally called out. She turned and looked at him. “Thank you for the hat.” she nodded. “And thank you for trying.” She smiled a bit and nodded before turning and walking quickly away.

“Wally you are a fool,” said a voice quietly from behind him. Wally turned to find Joe standing there. 

“I don’t suppose you know the meaning of privacy,” Wally asked.

  

“My place. My food. Come on Wally. We’ve known each other for a while now.”

“Does that mean you know what is best?” responded Wally.

“Wally, you are a nice guy. You are not like many of the other street people. You still have a conscience. You haven’t sunk to new lows.” He paused for a minute to gather his thoughts. Wally looked on with interest. “All the things that happened to you were unfortunate, but that is life. Your daughter still loves you and misses you. I hear that your other daughter does too. All I am saying is give it some thought.” With that he turned and he went back to work.

Wally sat down on the cold step. He should be mad at Wally for finding Denyce and setting up the discussion. Somehow he couldn’t be mad. 

As he sat there a warm feeling came over him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the locket his wife used to wear. After she had passed he had placed a picture of her inside the locket and kept it with him everyday, drawing comfort from her company. 

“I can’t do it,” he said to the picture of his wife.

“Of course you can,” Wally heard her say as she slipped her arm through his. “You have punished yourself far too long for the difficult times you went through.”

“I can’t face them, Dora,” he said quietly. “I go back to the way it was. You are not there. I let everyone down and lost everything.”

“You were sick with grief,” Dora said quietly. “You let everything go. Your will to live was gone. You were hoping you could join me. When that didn’t happen you took steps to make it happen. So far you have been unsuccessful. It’s time to let it go. We raised two good kids. They both are doing well. They both need you to stop hurting them by being absent from their lives.”

“Dora, I can’t. The arguments I have had with both girls…”

“Denyce has forgiven you. She is trying to understand. Zoey is coming around too. Love doesn’t stop because you decided it has to. It keeps going because it is finely ingrained to love no matter what, much like it did when I was dying. It was painful to watch you all suffer but your love ran deeper than my pain. Your love for them is deeper than your pain.. 

Wally thought about this for a minute. 

Dora continued, “How are you growing by doing this to them and yourself? Your rejection wall has been up for far too long. Take it down and accept their love. If you can’t do it for yourself , do it for me.”

“Dora,” Wally started and then turned to where she had been sitting. He could still feel her warmth lighting up his life, even if she had been dead for a few years. “Dora, I find it tough to carry on without you but if you want me to I will change.” And with that thought he broke down and cried for the first time in years.  

At five pm there was a knock on Denyce’s front door. She looked over at her husband who gave her a smile. She slowly walked to the door. “Merry Christmas,” yelled Zoey and her kids as her kids piled in the door. “You look disappointed,” said Zoey.

“I am a bit. I saw Dad today and invited him for dinner.”

Zoey looked at her sister. “I suppose he refused.”

“He hasn’t changed so the answer was the same.”

“Did you expect anything different?” asked Zoey.

“I thought time might have healed him but I guess not.” Out of the corner of her eye Denyce saw a movement along the sidewalk. A well groomed, well dressed man was walking along slowly looking at house numbers. As he got closer to Denyce’s house he paused. 

“Am I at the right house?” he asked. Denyce gave him a quick look and then hurdled down the stairs, quickly followed by Zoey. As they wrapped their arms around their father Denyce replied, “You certainly are.”