SCRIPT (REVISED AGAIN)

 

FUN, FROLIC AND FRIENDS

INT. TOWN HALL OF ELDRIDGEVILLE, FEBRUARY 2025

The Eldridgeville Fair Board gathers in the town hall to review footage of the 2024 Eldridgeville Spring Fair. The six member board sits around the table watching clips of the previous fair hoping to put together a promotional video for the local cable TV station.

BOARD MEMBER #1 

(self appointed chair and spokesperson)

The group of six members is relaxed and visiting between selves when BOARD MEMBER #1 calls for attention.

We are hoping to get through all this footage tonight

so we will work through footage of the main events

of the past fair. We have drone footage of the parade 

and fairgrounds and the opening ceremony. We can 

take all or we can take clips for the promotional video.

Each clip will be watched, then paused and followed 

by discussion. We hope to keep the meeting to less

than a half hour.

Clip 1

THE PARADE

EXT. MAIN STREET OF ELDRIDGEVILLE, SATURDAY MORNING

The Eldridgeville Spring Fair Parade lines up along Main Street. The fair kicks off with the parade led by the mayor and Miss Eldridgeville Spring Fair Queen riding in a Mustang Convertible. Following the dignitaries, there are two small floats, three children leading their pets in festive wear and the semi-famous pig "Charlie". Residents line the street as the parade makes its way into the soccer field.

The Mayor sits close to Miss Eldridgeville Fair Queen on the back of the folded convertible roof. His legs are draped over the back of the back seat. The chauffeur slowly makes his way through the crowd of upwards of two hundred residents.

MAYOR BARRETT ALEXANDER

(in a voice to be heard above the crowd)

Hello! Hello all. Great day. Great to see you. Thanks for coming!

BARRETT ALEXANDER waves enthusiastically and reaches from the car seat to touch hands with the women who line the parade route. His looks and his smile have the female residents reaching to touch any part of the celebrity mayor.

BARBIE ARMSTRONG,  the 2024 Eldridgeville Fair Queen sits quite cozy beside the mayor on the folded convertible roof.  BARBIE is a voluptuous blonde beauty crowned by a committee including MAYOR ALEXANDER. Nobody witnessed the talent portion of the competition but everyone believes she must have unknown talents, otherwise she would not be Fair Queen. She wears a low cut well-fitted top with a red satin sash. White lettering says MISS ELDRIDGEVILLE FAIR QUEEN 2024. She sits close to the mayor and does the true queen wave to those along the parade route. The men along the parade route respond to her smiles, waves and air kisses. The women scowl.

EXT. INSIDE THE GATES OF THE SOCCER FIELD

As the small parade reaches the fairgrounds, the sounds of the midway are heard. Local newspaper reporters snap photos of the parade entries as well as photos of the mayor and fair queen. An overhead drone captures the activity of the soccer fields, the midway and fair goers. The drone flies over the parade and captures footage of the mayor and fair queen enjoying a moment of closeness. The mayor rests his hand on Barbie's thigh and gently caresses her leg. The parade stops once it is all inside the gate. The mayor takes Barbie's hand and helps her out of the car and over to the small outside stage.

EXT. ON SMALL MAN MADE STAGE PLATFORM

MAYOR ALEXANDER

Welcome one and all to the 2024 edition of the Eldridgeville Spring Fair.

We have a great program lined up for all of you to enjoy. I would like to

introduce our Fair Queen BARBIE ARMSTRONG. BARBIE is a 

beautiful ambassador for our fair and our community. She will be wandering

through the exhibits throughout the day. Be sure to stop and say hello.

There is a polite clapping response to the introduction of the fair queen. Muttering can be heard from the audience and random words such as cheat, fixed, unfair, rigged.

MAYOR ALEXANDER

Now I will ask Barbie to cut the ribbon and officially open

the 2024 Eldridgeville Spring Fair!

Barbie takes the scissors and cuts the ribbon to open the fair. There is mild applause from the audience.

BARBIE ARMSTRONG

It is a great honour to officially open Eldridgeville Spring Fair 2024.

Barrett has been so helpful to me,  ummm, I mean....Mayor Alexander has been

great to work with. He is so willing to help with my duties and escort 

me to all of the fair events and engagements. It has been a wonderful

experience for me and I hope this day will be wonderful for you too!

Remember the theme of the 2024 fair is FUN, FROLIC AND FRIENDS

so get out there and have fun!

Having completed her first public speech, she takes the mayors arm to step off the stage and wander through the exhibits.

(video is paused for discussion between board members)

FAIR BOARD MEMBER # 1 (woman member)

Oh dear. Do you think there is some funny

stuff going on between the mayor and the 

queen? I had heard talk but I thought it was

just the jealous women in the community. I 

don't think we can include this clip in the 

promotional video. It doesn't look good, does it?

Let's move on to the other clips before we 

decide whether to edit, scrap or keep.

Clip 2

THE READING

INT. SOCCER DOME, SATURDAY 11A.M.

MS. H. BEADY, a local children's author has prepared an area for the reading of her recently published book "Albert Einswine on the Run". Loosely based on Charlie, Eldridgeville's semi-famous run away pig, her new book is available for sale during the fair. MS. BEADY is very colourful, animated and enthusiastic. She sits in a rocking chair in front of twenty children's chairs and a rugged area so keen children can sit at her feet. Although no adults or children have stopped by for her reading, she begins her presentation.

MS. H BEADY

( in a cheerful, animated tone)

Good morning, everyone!!! I am so delighted to be part of the 

fair. Thank you so much for joining us. I know we are going to

have a great day. This morning, I am going to read my recently

published book "Albert Einswine on the Run!"  How many of

 you remember Charlie, our very own run away pig? He is actually

here today!  He was in the parade!

MS. BEADY  holds the book towards the absent audience so they can enjoy the illustrations. She recites by memory. As there was nobody present to answer her question about Charlie, she boldly continues with reading.

Once upon a time, Albert Einswine lived in a pigsty on Farmer

Dell's farm.

(she turns the page and smiles at the empty chairs before continuing)

Albert Einswine was a very smart pig and knew there was

life beyond the pigsty. One day........

MS. BEADY  continues through the pages, pausing appropriately to for all to see the illustrations. When she finishes reciting the story, she speaks off her cuff.

Thank you for being such a great audience. I hope you really

enjoyed "Albert Einswine on the Run". I sure enjoyed reading

to you. I have copies for purchase so you can share with your 

friends. $12 today or $15 tomorrow on Amazon.

MS. BEADY bows and smiles to the empty chairs and wanders off.

(video is again paused for discussion)

FAIR BOARD MEMBER #2

Did any of you hear Ms. Beady read her book during the 

fair? Or have you bought the book? It doesn't look like the

reading was very popular.  Almost embarrassing for her.

FAIR BOARD MEMBER #3

Is it possible to photoshop some children into the clip?

Or could we put stuffed animals on the chairs? Maybe we

edit the clip and just show the author and not show the 

absent audience. This isn't going to promote the fair much.

Clip 3

THE PIE EATING CONTEST

INT. SOCCER DOME, 1 P.M.

The annual pie eating contest begins at 1 p.m. A banquet table is set on a small stage with chairs for the audience in front of the stage. Behind the table, low budget sheets are hung in place of drapes. Five apple pies are set out on the table and the five contestants organize themselves behind the sheets. Two contestants, BERTHA BRUTMEIER and STERLING REED are not new to pie eating. The other three contestants were drawn in by the aroma of cinnamon and apples; they are rookies.

BERTHA BRUTMEIER

(from behind the curtains in a loud blustery voice and some choice language)

I don't even know why you guys are here...you don't

have a chance. No contest. Nine time champ I am and

four time runner up. Nobody beats Big Bertha. Why are

you back Sterling? That was pure luck last time, you won't

win again!

BERTHA continues muttering to herself or someone imagined in her mind. The words don't make sense but she continues babbling.

STERLING REED

(politely interacts with BERTHA  but in subdued tones)

Well, Bertha, you have conveniently  forgotten that it

wasn't just last year that you were runner up. That was 

the fourth time you were defeated by me. Today, I defend 

my title. I want my family to be proud of me.

BERTHA

Well, I'll tell you something you physically fit, diet conscious 

wimp. Pies have gluten and pies have sugar and you'll be

sick by your second bite and be disqualified!

The start of the contest is announced over the speaker system and the five contestants appear from behind the sheets. BERTHA enters first wearing her lucky purple and orange caftan that covers a lot of her immense 240-pound body. She makes her presence known to the crowd.  STERLING, the defending champion emerges looking better than ever and stands in second position behind the second pie. He smiles sweetly to three little blonde girls in the front row. The other three contestants are unknown to the crowd but rush to spots three, four and five with salivating mouths. The judge moves behind the contestants tying their hands behind their backs before seating himself at the judge's table.

From the sound system, the start of the race is announced with 

READY, SET, GO!

The five eager eaters tackle the pies. BERTHA face plants into her pie and eagerly begins to devour it. STERLING has a strategy he researched on YouTube videos. While he plants his face quickly, he turns his head from side to side as he would if he were swimming. He paces himself.

Both BERTHA and STERLING have cheering sections that can be heard over the noise of the fair. BERTHA, a part time bouncer at The Refined Rose Tavern has five husky men cheering her on. Each has a black t-shirt with a pink rose and 'The Refined Rose Tavern' stamped on it. STERLING has three blonde-haired preschool daughters, his wife and his in-laws cheering him on.

EXTRAS IN CROWD

(shouting from the little girls and the husky men at the same time)

Go, Daddy, Go!

Come on Sterling, don't let her win! Come on!

Tip the plate and eat it from the table.

FASTER!!!!!

Come on big Bertha, don't let that little wimp beat

you! You are not afraid of anyone! Go! Go!

Seventy two seconds later, the crowd erupts, (mainly the five husky men in the Refined Rose Tavern tshirts) and BERTHA  raises her arms as though she has won a wrestling match. 

STERLING, a little downtrodden, tips his head down in disappointment and notices a lot of apple pie on the floor beneath BERTHA'S spot. As BERTHA is being presented with the winners trophy, (which resembles Charlie the pig) STERLING moves from the table towards the judge.

STERLING

I wonder if you could come to the stage and have

a look under the table where BERTHA stood. I 

believe she didn't eat all that pie in record time.

The judge looks at the floor as do the other competitors. There is a look of disbelief on all faces including BERTHA. The judge walks over and pats STERLING  on the back.

( From the speaker, an announcement is made)

The winner of the pie eating competition 2024

 is STERLING REED....five time champion.

BERTHA BRUTMEIER, you are disqualified!

Cheering erupts from the front row of little girls as the Charlie Pig Trophy is taken from BERTHA and presented to STERLING.

EXTRAS

(two groups speaking at the same time)

Daddy, daddy, you did it! We are so proud of you!

Love you daddy!

Come on, BERTHA, let's head over to The 

Refined Rose for a beer.

BERTHA and her supporters leave the soccer dome and fairgrounds.

(video paused as fair board members laugh)

FAIR BOARD MEMBER #4

Now, that I did watch last year. That Bertha was

something else. So crude and rude. Surely there 

must be better contestants out there. I wonder if

she was actually ever a champion or if she played

the same trick all nine years? This video is proof 

she should be disqualified from all future contests.

FAIR BOARD MEMBER #5

I don't know but I think she is a drawing card to

the pie eating contest. She is a true Eldridgeville

character. My suggestion though would be to get

a new trophy for the winner. Somehow a fat pig

statue is insulting. I know Charlie is a celebrity in

his own right but a ribbon would be a better prize

than a fat pig statue. I think we could cut out the

controversial bits but keep the best bits. The pie

eating contest draws people from all over the area.

What other footage do we have?

Clip 4

THE FIREWORKS

EXT. NIGHT TIME AT THE END OF THE FAIR DAY

The successful day wraps up with fireworks in the soccer field. Some residents have lawn chairs in little groups to visit with neighbours and friends. Some residents stand in groups as dark enfolds the community. The mayor and Miss Eldridgeville Fair Queen sit on lawn chairs on the small outdoor stage to watch the fireworks.

MAYOR ALEXANDER

Thank you all for coming to our FUN, FROLIC AND FRIENDS

themed fair. It has been a spectacular day of community 

participation and catching up with old friends, making new

friends and making memories. Now we have a spectacular

conclusion to the day with fireworks sponsored by the 

Men's Bench. It will be an evening you won't forget!

Now enjoy the fireworks!

The sky brightens with elaborate fireworks; palms, diadems, willows and rockets light up the sky as the crowd looks heavenward. Children and adults alike sparkle against the dark night background. Eyes and faces glow with each lit firecracker. Cameras capture the look of wonderment and fall on something glittering near the stage. The camera zooms in on Mrs. Barrett Alexander holding a gun pointed towards the stage where BARRETT and BARBIE smile as they watch the conclusion of Eldridgeville Spring Fair.

(video is paused)

FAIR BOARD MEMBER #6

Does anyone know if Mrs. Alexander's 

case has come up yet? Will she get credit for time

served? She didn't actually fire the gun. Not murder.

At least in jail, she has a place to live. I am sure she 

won't be living with the mayor when she gets out!

FAIR BOARD MEMBER #1

Is anyone good with posters? We  don't have much

to make a promotional video, do we?

Epilogue

After reviewing camera, cell phone and drone footage of the 2024 fair, the fair board decided that posters will be stapled to hydro poles promoting the 2025 fair. To air the promotional video would be too embarrassing for Eldridgeville.

Notes:

This work is real life events in the fictional town of Eldridgeville. Names have been changed to protect the identity of the characters.