Eldridgeville Protests

 

Eldridgeville Protests

A Short Two Act Play

Written by:

Bill Ferguson

1447 words

Characters: 

May: an elderly resident of Eldridgeville.

June: an elderly resident of Eldridgeville who uses a walker.

The Mayor

Ed Drury: an elderly protester

Edna Caulkins: an elderly protester

Selma Hopkins: an elderly protester

Curtain opens. May is sitting on a bench in front of the Eldridgeville Town Hall. She keeps looking at her watch and off into the distance. 

(June enters using her walker.)

MAY

Thank god you are here. I was losing my mind.

JUNE 

(walks to bench)

Your mind is safe. I can’t say the same for mine.

MAY

What happened?

JUNE

I was gathering support for our speech to the Mayor and councillors.

MAY

You didn't have to do that. We have enough evidence.

(waves file folder)

JUNE

I know. I know. But in this case I was trying to get from the retirement residence across the highway when I was delayed, many, many times. It’s dangerous. I have no idea how kids get across there going to school. Why Mr. Jenkins almost got crushed by the Mayor speeding by.

 (uses hands to illustrate. Almost falls before grabbing hold of the walker.)

MAY

The Mayor was speeding?

JUNE

That guy doesn’t know the meaning of slow. I heard his wife say…

MAY

JUNE! I’m shocked. (pauses) Go on.

Another group of elders is forming stage right. Arm bands, protest signs, greeting each other 

JUNE (distracted)

What's going on over there? Is that Edna Caulkins?

MAY

And Ed Drury. And Selma Hopkins.

JUNE

Edna, (mutters disgustedly, shakes head) What are they protesting this time?

MAY

I’ve got my hearing aid turned down so I am not sure. Last time it was hiring a dogcatcher when we’ve only got 30 dogs and 40 kittens living in the town. Everyone knows who belongs to who.

JUNE

The time before they protested the Mayor's desire to paint the Eldridgeville sign like it was a 60’s flower power sign. He said that people would notice us more rather than zooming on by to their cottages.

MAY

He does have a mind for odd things.

JUNE

That he does. How does he keep getting elected?

MAY

He is related to over half of the town. 

JUNE

Scandalous! Someone needs to be better organized for the next election.

He obviously isn’t.

 (Ed, Selma, Edna approach)

JUNE

Ed, Selma, (calmly) Edna (with a tone change.)

ED

Ladies. Are you here to join us in our protest?

MAY

We’re not sure what your protest is Ed.

JUNE

We’re here to talk about the need for a crosswalk in front of the seniors residence. I watched Mrs Frawly run across there the other day.

EDNA

She actually ran?

JUNE

Well it took her five minutes. For Mrs Frawly that was an all out sprint.

SELMA

Our protest is because the Mayor wants to change the name of Eldridgeville.

All gasp

MAY

He wants to change the name? To what?

ED

Hill Valley

All look out in every direction

MAY

Hmm. Kinda confusing isn’t it?

SELMA

One would think so since there is neither a hill nor a valley within 30 miles of here. 

EDNA

Flat as old Mrs Diamond’s

JUNE

Edna!

EDNA

Hair after a nap in her chair. (Slyly) What did you think I meant?

ED

He’s been watching too many Back To The Future movies.

MAY

What’s wrong with Eldridgeville as a name?

SELMA

Nothing. The Mayor just likes to stir up the pot. I think he would name this place Hell if he thought the Church goers would support him.

(Mayor enters quickly)

MAYOR

Ladies , Ed. What a fine day

(protesters begin chants and March)

MAYOR

(Throws up his hands)

Stop. I say stop! You can’t protest here.

EDNA

(eyes watering)

Why not? Is there some bylaw that says so?

MAYOR

I don’t believe there is. But there will be after our meeting. (rushes off)

ED

It’s a good thing he doesn’t plan. We’d be in big trouble.

JUNE

Didn’t he propose a donkey tax?

SELMA

It would have happened too until someone pointed out that he would have to tax himself!

EDNA

(some sniffing happening)

How do you think the vote will go?

JUNE

They will hem and haw and haw and hem. They will send it to some study and then bury it deeper than the hole in old man Firnblasts outhouse.

ED

He used a ladder to complete it.

(All nod in agreement)

EDNA

(some sniffing going on)

JUNE, are you still mad at me?

JUNE 

(slowly rises and grabs hold of her walker.)

Darn tootin. 

EDNA

(shakes her head)

We’re too old to be carrying on like this. We should be more dignified.

(JUNE plops back down on the bench.)

JUNE

Dignified!

(getting riled up)

MAY

We had better get inside.

SELMA

I heard they had egg salad sandwiches today!

JUNE

Selma, there are always egg salad sandwiches. I remember that time when we were at Cooney’s farm out on the fourth line…

ED

It’s time to go.

(MAY comforts JUNE.)

They all march into the town hall

(lights down. Close curtain)

Act 2

Lights up. Curtain opens on the empty stage. The sounds of running feet can be heard.

The Mayor leads the charge through the town hall doors. All are gasping for fresh air and waving their hands , papers etc in front of their faces. As the last walker arrives the Mayor speaks.

MAYOR

Who set that skunk loose in there? That's what I want to know? 

ED

You could use a dog catcher right about now.

MAYOR 

(fuming)

That was you, wasn’t it Ed?

ED 

(feigns innocence)

Me! I don’t think so.

MAYOR

Well somebody did it. I need to get to the bottom of this. 

MAY

Mayor, when is the next meeting?

MAYOR

We don't know. The town hall is now closed. If we can afford fumigation we will get it done. If not, until the smell dies down there is nothing we can do.

ED

So everything is postponed?

MAYOR

Postponed? (He ponders, hand on chin.) I like that word! Everything is postponed until we can get everything settled.

SELMA

Mayor, the last time you postponed something it was two years before you got things started back up. It was near the election.

MAYOR 

(smiles)

We are doing our best.

ED

So we are stuck…

EDNA

Ahem

(Ed looks at her and amend hs words_)

ED

So we still have the name Eldridgeville until the next meeting.

MAYOR

That was never going to come about. Jeanette McCracken had lost count one night and made too many egg salad sandwiches. We had to find a way to get rid of them so we thought up about changing the name of the town. More people would come to the meeting and no food would be wasted.

JUNE

It seemed to have worked (said dryly) 

EDNA

Only food was wasted?

(Angrily)

MAYOR 

I have to say they were superior egg salad sandwiches.

(As the group voices rise in anger he stomps off)

JUNE

(laughing)

We should have known. He never does anything.

ED

That skunk though…

JUNE

Edna, what happened to that pretty bag you were carrying?

EDNA 

(smiles.)

That old thing? There wasn’t much point in keeping it once I let the skunk out. 

MAY

You let the skunk out? Why?

EDNA

Those buffoons weren’t going to settle anything. Everything just goes round and round until the election comes around. I thought I would help them out of their dilemma, and put everyone's mind at ease.

JUNE

(laughing)

You are forgiven.

EDNA

For what?

JUNE

It happened so long ago I don’t remember either!

ED

We are going over to the coffee shop to celebrate. Are you ladies joining us?

MAY

(looks at June)

I think we will sit here for a while. I brought coffee and baked goods.

ED

Baked goods?

SELMA

Come on Ed. I will buy your first coffee

(They exit stage left)

MAY

Well, That’s another day in front of the Eldridgeville Town Hall.Such commotion! Who knew Edna had it in her?

JUNE

Well she certainly had it somewhere. I can’t wait to get back and inform Mrs Basely what has been going on.

MAY

As a former Mayor what is her take in the current council?

JUNE

I quote, “Cows are more responsible than this bunch. We usually wait until the end of lunch to tell her things. If she gets riled she stops quickly because nothing interrupts nap time.

MAY

Well June it’s been a slice. Until our next meeting…

(she waves and heads off stage.)

JUNE

The skunk! 

(Pauses)

I hope he finds his way home,

(She exits as the lights go down.)